11 months, 3 weeks and 6 days

On Friday, my three beautiful baby girls will be one. I cannot believe a year has flown away so quickly. Everyone said that the time would pass so fast, but I just cannot believe how fast it really has gone. When I was pregnant and trying to figure out what to expect, what to buy, what kinds of things I would be in for, there wasn't really anyone who could have prepared me. Even the triplet moms that offered up some advice couldn't have prepared me. Each one of us (singleton moms, twin moms, etc.) are going to handle this whole adventure differently, it's the nature of being human, it's also very dependent on the type of children you have.

If I could go back in time and tell myself some things here is what they would be...
  1. Go out and buy more bibs...the realistic kind...the kind that don't have applique or any other froofy stuff. The bigger the better...you will need them...I promise.
  2. Get the bumpers. It doesn't matter if they match, but eventually you will feel secure enough that your daughters will not get hurt and you will be incredibly tired of waking up from babies bumping heads on the edges of their cribs. 
  3. Stick to the schedule. No matter how crazy people make you feel for having it. You are not crazy and they do not have to take care of three babies after you leave.
  4. Don't fight against the babies. They are on a whole other level of understanding. When they stop wanting the 11 pm feeding, stop waking them up.
  5. All those cute outfits in the preemie and newborn (hell, even 3 month) sizes. Don't cut the tags off or wash them. Return them immediately. You will be living in pajamas and so will they...sometimes the same pair for a few days. 
  6. Let people help when they offer. You are only one person.
  7. Take a nap on occasion. It will get harder and harder the older they get.
  8. Night feedings stink, but they only happen for so long. Try your best to remember that and spend some time enjoying the quiet time you are getting with your babies. Soon they will not want you to rock them to sleep anymore.
  9. The baby in the book does not exist. Stop trying to mold your babies into that baby. It won't work and frankly, you don't want that baby anyway. I promise...yours are way cooler anyway. 
  10. Don't take it so seriously. The first year is over before you know it and you will spend time wishing you could have the time back...at least for a little bit...and maybe with more sleep. Being a mom is something you fought so long for, so spend at least a little time enjoying the fact that you get to be a mom to three of the coolest girls on the planet. 
As I finished that last one, I reread it silently trying to remind myself of it. I need to remember it when I am potty training, taking pacis away, and, further down the line, when I am getting them ready to graduate high school.

My daughters' first birthday is an incredibly happy and sad event for me. Happy because I really am so blessed to have three daughters turning one and sad because it means that they really are going to grow up.

We have so many more adventures to have and so many more chapters to write, but this first year was a good one and a good start.

"Your children are the greatest gift God will give to you, and their souls the heaviest responsibility He will place in your hands. Take time with them, teach them to have faith in God. Be a person in whom they can have faith. When you are old, nothing else you've done will have mattered as much.” ― Lisa Wingate


11 months, 2 weeks, 3 days old

It's hard to believe that in about two short weeks, my precious baby girls will be one. At the start of this journey, I definitely did not picture this day. In fact, I'm certain I have said it before, I have hit a point in my life that I had never imagined. I am living a life that I did not have the ability or wherewithal to picture or dream. My life right now is better and more amazing than anything I could have conjured up.

In December, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS from here on out). I had always known that something was wrong, but did not have the definitive diagnosis until December 7. I reconfirmed today with a second opinion and got the ball rolling on treatment.

It has taken a lot for me to write any of this. It really has taken a lot for me to admit that I am afraid. I think of those three precious babies and I worry that I won't be the mom that they deserve because of something that I may not be able to avoid. I worry that I don't take good enough care of myself because I don't stop to look at the big picture all the time. I worry that I won't be able to actively participate in their growing up process the way that I want to.

I haven't really dealt with the diagnosis because I don't really feel like there is anything to "deal" with per se. I have worries and feelings but I can't control what happens and so I have really taken a kind of zen attitude about it.

When I think about the diagnosis, it often feels like a weight has been lifted. I now finally know what has been wrong for so long.

My husband said this morning that there is always something worse. And he is 100% right. I do not have cancer, I am not dying. I am Me. The same person I was yesterday. Nothing can really change that. My hope is that I don't lose myself in the diagnosis. That I remain Me.

There are a lot of things that I want to do before I leave this life. I plan on doing all of them.

“The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.” - W. M. Lewis