5 months 3 weeks 3 days

I feel safe enough to say that I have not blogged at all, not because having triplets is too time consuming (though at times it is), but because I have really just been lazy.

I don't want to bore you with all the details leading up to us delivering the girls, but I had HELLP and pre-e and they just needed to be here. I was 33 weeks 4 days and it was my grandfather's birthday. After their delivery my brother saw a double rainbow in the sky...though somewhere I am sure there was a third.

I may be biased, but I delivered three miracle angels. I believe this even when they are on their third hour of crying, at 2 am when they wake crying for a pacifier, when I really have to pee and can't. I believe this every morning when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. They are the best things that have ever happened to Michael and me. I cannot imagine our life without them.

Some days I find the triplet mom community to be excluding. Some days so helpful. I often found the infertility community to be the same way. I figure whenever you get a bunch of women together there is bound to be drama. Good luck to all of you out there in either journey...it can be a war zone. I try my best to stay neutral, but I have a large opinionated mouth on me and it can do bad things.

I won't ever deny that I considered reduction. I don't think it was ever a reality for me or a thought that I would have independently had, but one that my RE planted in my head. It was a thought we entertained and it was hard to make a final decision, but we did. We made the decision that was right for our family.

I find it hard to not talk someone out of a reduction. I find it difficult to sit by and let them make a decision based on doctor's notions. There are no judgements, just the fact that everyday I live my decision not to reduce. I can't imagine having to the live the alternative...which one wouldn't be here?

I recently and continually read of a woman who chose the alternative and has publicly blogged about it. I give her credit for sharing it with the world. I am not sure I could have done that. I don't know the entire story as I try to stay out of the drama, but curiosity led me to skim her page.

I did not read any of the "nasty" comments left by triplet moms and others opposed to her decision to reduce. I did however read the ignorant ones left by those who know very little about multiples pregnancies and felt the sting a bit, I almost commented about their ignorance, but held my tongue, or fingers as the case may be.

I did not read her words and cry or become sad as I felt she was very diplomatic about how she wrote them. Cold in a way that I felt was a protection for her, but not really protecting her at all.

What I did do though, was wonder, how will she feel once her baby is here? Not because I am in some way judging her decision, as it is completely hers and has absolutely nothing to do with me, but because my feelings are always "who wouldn't be here?"...What would the alternative look like?

I believe 100% that parents of children conceived through infertility treatments love their children in a different way than parents who conceive on their own without difficulty. I will not say more, but completely differently. I believe 100% that triplet moms understand ignorance in a way that no one else will. Not that all sorts of people don't experience real ignorance, but because of the type of ignorance we deal with on an almost daily basis. What makes me sad is that both of these types of people are involved in this public Internet saga and neither has stopped to think about what they are doing to each other.

"Words can be daffodils or fire in an open field. I'm sitting here in the ash, stupid words I can't take back." -- David Barnes

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