inside the clinic

Sitting inside the IVF clinic is not unlike sitting inside the jungle (or any other territorial land the Discovery channel would do a special on). A bunch of women (sometimes dudes who look so uncomfortable, poor guys) sitting around sizing one another up. It's really strange actually. While they are sizing you up, they are also sympathizing, empathizing and really care about what happens to you...they just hope their outcome is not affected by it. I am 100% guilty of doing this and know that I cannot be the only one. I will admit that maybe I am part of the sick and twisted minority, but still I am not standing here alone, thank you very much.

So here it goes...

When doing IVF you roughly spend about 98 mornings (it's probably more like 15) at the clinic. They herd in a bunch of you...in my case 22 and you sit and wait for blood work and then an ultrasound. You check ages, weights, and some other various body-language psychological factors that you make up in your head and make decisions about your chances vs. hers. It's not unlike some sort of jungle ritual. Still, at the same time, I made friends. There was Julie...an older woman who had given up on love, marriage and kids only to find it later in life...well the kids part she was working on. She was awesome and I really hope she has a successful cycle. But I still think I was sizing her up the entire time. She however looked like she could get pregnant so I think, in some weird way, her chances were good.

No one at that clinic was any more deserving than anyone else, but still you try to come up with reasons why it should work for you and not them.

Because I'm neurotic I used the doctor's success statistics to come up with a rough estimate of how many of us would get pregnant. Out of 22, the number was roughly 7. It doesn't feel very promising when you look at it, but I am hoping and praying I fall into that lucky 7, but if I know I won't be sad that one of those other girls did...even if they are older, wiser, skinnier, fatter, insert your insane reason here.

Inside the clinic...it's a waiting game.

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